Farce Cafe

Nothing is worth waiting for 45 mins. Not even your Prince Charming. And definitely not some cafe that boasts to be outright fake in its very name.

With that corner table right next to the entrance given to us, it quite felt like at the receiving end of some charity. Nevertheless I was looking at all the props used to give this place “an illusion of” being much bigger and better or fancier than it actually is. Some props kept walking in and out.. often with a fake Ferragamo.

Lets say in my heart I had given up already so I just let my partner decide what to order in the hope of getting surprised. What followed.. actually surprised me. Loud and intrusive staff, in-your-face dishes, with over the top presentations shouting for undeserved attention. It all felt like being a part of some confusing nursery play show without any reason or rhyme.

Dal Chawal Arancini in tapas menu was struggling to figure out who to please. Neither Italian nor Indian, it was a forced hybrid that got confused if it wants to be cheesy or spicy. Poor baby Margharita Kulchas were already made pregnant with so much stuffing that they cried out loud to contain. Farzi Vada Pao with its reverse recipe was playing hide and seek with god-knows-who.

Proceeding to the main course, The Ratatouille Maska Pav came in a truck that would delight anyone who is not obsessed with hygiene. Fish & chips were revolutionised modernist-ically by crumb frying. Next came, my most awaited Anda Bhurji Kulcha. I didn’t know the age-old recipe of egg bhurji has now been changed to just mashed boiled eggs! And then there are grown up people who would want to be served their burgers in a mini London telephone booth. Or pick lollypops from a big white tree for dessert. A kid might be very entertained to see a typewriter with the cheque but wait, who are we kidding here?  Why wasn’t I warned about this gawky little amusement park? I’d have left my tastebuds at home and come for just some foamy desserts and drinks.

What was the connection with MasalaLibrary again?

La Boredega

Empty vessels make much noise. And when a restaurant does that, its considered a hype. Until you check it out for yourself.

It took us a good amount of time to look for the place itself. No one seemed to have heard about it or knew its whereabouts. Or may be that was a sign to save us from what followed. I could have found God in much lesser time. Anyway the hunt stopped after we spotted the distant signboard hanging at half mast. And then there were stairs to climb up. Did i mention I was wearing high heels? You know how smooth the lanes of Khan market are.

Claiming to serve authentic mexican cuisine, I couldn’t wait to order Guacamole. In fact the whole hunt was so I could eat guacamole, avocados and nachos. What’s mexican cuisine without avocado and jalapeño? In case you are thinking of a rhetorical answer, go ahead.. leave it in the comments.

Whatever we ordered deserves no description. Lets say it was mexican enough to burn our tongues and make us cry. Sangria- utterly sweet yet helpless to stop that burning. The kitchen and the staff are probably still figuring out the right proportion to be mexican in this very indian neighbourhood. Right from their etiquettes to approach, its awkwardly lingering between informal to laid-back. I mean why else would the waitress tell me how they’ve run out of Guacamole just ten mins back before 9 pm on a Saturday night. Further, on requesting to churn out some fresh batch, I’m reminded about how expensive Avocados are! Like that was new information. Will someone tell me again why exactly I was looking for this place painstakingly, in an evening at a place with much better options and pay over three grand to have mexican cuisine without guacamole?

As ostentatious the place is, the best part was still the decor, decked up as a grocery store, it at least lives up to its name quite literally for its ambience. Another thing to note is, they are as difficult to find on the net as they are offline. I wish their reputation could be as inconspicuous.

Art you see!

..and then you don’t, but you feel it out and about.

From the outside, there isn’t anything special about the place. The usual Audi’s honking away on the lanes of M block GK market, once known as the place to be- popular, posh and ‘happening’ has now become a quieter version of display of the big names in the restaurant business. Artusi, derives its name from the famous writer of The Science of Cooking and the Art of Fine dining. Obviously I was keen to explore this place.

Indistinct and almost vacant, besides one table, on a saturday night didn’t pique me but I was surprised. We took seats nonetheless. White linen-ed decor with black and white sketches adorning the walls, it was simple and cozy with tea lights on table. We waited for the menu and then the waiter to take the order. Akin to questioning them on the ingredients that would help me decide on what to order, I was a little miffed when he went to check back before he answered me. Even though it was all to my advantage.

I have always loved Italian. Be it Food, Fashion or Men. Although i haven’t tried the latter much but the dream lives on. Fantasising anymore about this might disappoint me unlike the food here. So coming back to the safer topic, I ordered an antipasti and a salad before deciding on a main course. While we waited, few breads appeared with a lip smacking sun-dried tomato dip. I love such restaurants that take care of things like these: replacing butter with healthier options even if compromising a bit on their costing. I mean a little CSR in your daily routine can go a long way.

Soon my order appeared with all kinds of my favourite fungus and some bread but most of the plate had this insanely big full round piece of melted Brie or was it Camembert! Seriously I couldn’t be bothered. But if you are you can find more here. It’s apparently not much different. I have never been served like this before. Well I have never been to Italy before. This is how they eat there, now I know. A meal that starts with cheese can never go wrong. That could be a general rule of thumb for vegetarians and cheese lovers like moi. You may feel stuffy so remember to share or take-it-away so the deliciousness continues for a day or two. I was loving the fresh rocket leaves with fig and grapes salad along with the cheese and mushroom. There’s no way these combinations can go wrong. Its the safest yet most delicious way to get yourself started. Tangy-ness of grapes, gooey-ness of cheese and the crunch of bread along with leaves is like having everything good in one go.  Since i was happy with the waiters’ recommendation I let him decide the main course for me too.

Pasta Pockets was something new for me. I had an idea but lets say I had not had it off the menu yet. I settled for the hat shaped ones filled with cream cheese. Delightful but the portion size was overwhelming. I wanted to keep some space for the desserts. Again with a sweet jaw like mine it’s always the most difficult part of the dinner, because I just can not settle for one easily. With a lot of hubbub I let the waiter recommend again. I explained him I wanted something like mille-feuille.. lot of layers of pastries with cream in between. I mean Tira misu can not be the answer to all the french desserts in the world. There’s a certain complexity and sophistication that Italians seem to miss. Not for nothing, simplicity has its charm after all. Zuppa Inglese with its layers of chocolate and custard was a bit too much of mush for me to handle. The Panna Cotta arrived with its golden glory of caramelised figs and roasted almonds. It was just what I needed to go up the graph and finish the meal on a much much higher note. That little thing didn’t even survive six bites. Still the price is totally worth it. I ‘ll  probably go there again just for the dessert and blow my pocket a sweet hole.

Sighing with pleasure, I rolled up my sleeves, tied my hair and picked up my doggy pack to head to the door, where the Manager waited to hand me a red rose bud. Now only if he was Italian enough just like the food inside. The Sigh continued..